Working for a living..

Work. Work. Work. Just to make a living. I finally understand why parents gripe about money. Sure, it may be easy to get the money. Depending on your job. But hell the money sure as shit dont go to far. I know that what I do is a relatively easy job. & I dont work too many hours, but hell I have a newfound respect for all people out there supporting their families. I think that all people that at least ahve a job, and are able to provide for their family should be recognized. Because realistically they may not have all the money in the world, but at least they're trying to provide. At least they can put something on the dinner table and feel good about themself that they were able to do that. Whereas therer are some people who are grown ups, and they dont even have a job themselves. Not even a part time on. How they manage to survive, well I do know the answer to that because I know someone who is a grown up& doesnt provide for their family. They decide to live off government money, child support which is meant for the children , and their sugar daddy , or someone with money. It is not fair what they do. Since people that actually do work are paying for those kinds of people to live. People come on!! How do you feel good about yourself? Because I know I wouldnt if I were living off of other people. Sure I know I have for the past years of life, but thats reasonable I was a child. There was no way I could support myself. Now the people out there that are supported by other people, well most are damn well capable enough to support themselves. Or at least try to. Even if its a part time job, they would at least feel some pride because they can look after their family. And who really cares if a part time job is all you can get. Its not a big deal, at least you're trying. Sure you may not be able to afford all the cool new electronics, and such but at least you're doing the best that you can. People who live off others should be ashamed of themselves.

amazing day..

Today was not an average day for me. I woke up early. Actually I was awakened. During the summer you should know that I do not like to get up early on the days I do not have to work. Anyways, I was awakened and then suckered into going downtown with the father. So, I went like the good daughter I am. *cough cough* To my dismay my father decided he'd bring his little red wagon. I will be the first to admit that it is almost heartbreakingly cute to see him walking down the street pulling a wagon behind him. But back to the point, we were walking down the street, and he's got this wagon with him. No big deal really. Just getting a shit ton of people staring and laughing. But hey, haters gonna hate. So it was mainly smooth sailing all the way down town, but like I said we had people staring or laughing. Then at the top of the hill the father decided we should take a break. I wasn`t complaining. At that point I was sweating like a man.. although I was wearing a knit sweater which probably didnt help the sweating like a man problem. So we sat, and just kinda talked about nothing.. I happened to look across the street, and there goes someone who looked awfully familiar climbing up a big, and I mean *BIG* ladder. I was still sitting there half listening to the father because I was trying to decipher, non chalantly if the man climbing the ladder was who I thought it was. I never did find out if it was who I thought it was.AH. The father decided we should keep moving before I had the chance to find out who it was. We continued our journey. Oh what an adventure it was. Of course we had people staring , but ast that point I didnt care anymore. We stopped off to drop off some empty beer cans. Ew. Stale beer smells like ass. I got some on my hand, and sometimes I swear I can still smell it, although I have washed my hands more than once. I guess Im just not going to forget that smell anytime soon. We continued on after that, we got our groceries... and then headed to the LCBO. But on our way to the LCBO, there were several attractive guys. And of course I had to be with the father who was pulling a wagon. & of course those guys had to look over and notice that I was with the father pulling the wagon. But whatever I know I never  really had a chance with them anywhom. aha.
We got to the LCBO we bought the beer we needed and the other alchol we needed. As we were in the checkout line, ``the bush man"got in line behind us. He struck up a conversation with the father. Goody, just my luck. The bush man decided it would be nice to offer us a ride home since he lives around the corner from us. The father had decided that no we could walk, but it seemed like the bush man was not giving up. Finally he persuaded to the father to drive us home. I was not exactly thrilled about the idea of being in a car with him, but I was grateful for the ride nontheless. I honestly didnt think I could handle anymore man sweating, or obnoxious stares. And I guess the ride with the bush man wasnt so bad, I am alive to tell the story after all.

Little Moments

I really enjoy days like today. We had such a good time, and all we did was sit and talk. I would love for everyday to be like that. There is no need for expensive trips, no need to plan anything out. With you we dont need that because we fall into a perfect rythm. We talk, we laugh. And its the kind of comfort I love. We do stupid shit too. Which makes everything a whole lot better. I can relate to you, even though you're the parent. You make it clear that you're not perfect, and that its perfectly fine that Im not either. You've shown me that you have made mistakes, and its ok for me to make them as well. I can consider you my friend. And I never thought I'd be able to consider, an adult, especially my parent , a friend. It takes an extraordinary person to do that, and Im glad its you!

comforting moonlight.

I love the nights where the moon is full and bright. I set myself a seat up on the highest point, I can get to. I can just lay there. Replay good&bad memories, but be completely at ease alone in the moonlight with just my thoughts. My best descions are made in that time. I truly can get a grip on my life. I can look back on my mistakes, and realise that there are changes I need to make to better myself. I can come to grips with myself, and realise my wrongs, in which need to be rightened. The moon is my saving grace. Without it shining full and bright, without its comfort I know I'd be forever lost. I appreciate the bright and shining moments it gives me a chance to clear my head, restart and feel refreshed&rejuvinated.

opinion;

I love when lyrics of a song speak to me, when I understand the message the song is repersenting. I love when I can relate to the lyrics. It makes me not feel so alone. I love when I can lose myself in a song. I remeber on my low days I could listen to any number of "depressing songs" and by the end of the song, I'd be tearing up. I like knowing that artists can connect to their fans. How the artist shows that they have real emotions, and that they're more like their fans than most people think.

If only I could actually tell you ..

Dear Dad, 
I know I never tell you that I love you, and I know that it will be too late when I finally can. I know that I love you, but I just cant voice the words. Please know that I do love you. I know I need to say that, but its too hard to say the words. I appreciate all you do! Please know that too. You work so hard to provide for our family, and I cant thank you enough! Dont ever feel like you're not good enough, or not doing the best that you can, because I know you are working to your full potential. You have put up with so much shit, that you didnt even need to just to make this family work! You are a one of a kind man!! You're the greatest guy in my life, and always will be! Dont ever forget that I love you, even though I dont say it.
xoxox Emma.

Blaahh.

The memories of us are unbearable to think about. They are what made us so close.
~Now that he doesn't want his place, and he forgets what he was to me, it makes it so hard to go on. Forgetting someone like him, is like trying to remeber someone you dont know. My pain to him is nothing to him. I cringe when I see him, and I shutter when I hear his name. He is on my mind quite frequently. If only he could understand what he does to me. I know he's trying to be harmless, but I feel more behind his actions. The way he smiles when we're lost in a conversation. The way we can silently sit, and be completely at ease with each other. He's like my best friend, but my feelings towards him are more than a best friend kind of feeling.