Untitled;

What you did was wrong. What I did was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have been so honest.. but then again you were plenty honest with me.. The things you said were so menacing, and hurtful. I know I will never be the child that you wanted. I know I'll never meet your standards. But Im not a perfect person, and you've said that no one is perfect. I want to question that.. If no one is perfect why am I still not good enough. To be good enough for you , do I have to be a low-life, with no path in life? like you. Do I have to be a moucher, and live off of other people for the rest of my life, so that way I'll be an equal? Because I dont know if you know this or not, but I am my own person. I have dreams, but after all of your discouragement I dont think I can possibly can go ahead with my dreams. Its like you're in my head , at all times, and when I come close to do believing in myself, or doing something right, its in that moment when I can hear you in the back of my head telling me "you arent good enough, you wont get far, and that I cant do anything right." I lay awake at night because it eats me inside. I want your demons to leave me alone. I cannot take the brutality anymore. I hate that Im so damaged and have low self esteem, but Im letting it control me, Im letting it run my life, and I dont know how to stop it. I want this to end.. You never should've started this if you knew all along that your plan was to drop me the whole time. If I had've known you were going to drop me out of your life I never would've tried to get through to you, I never would've tried to solve our problems.

Everyday Annoyances

You know I have many problems, and I'm very well aware of them. You don't need to remind me everytime we talk that I have these problems. They shouldn't be what controls our "friendship". If we truly were friends like you claimed we were so many times, you wouldn't be always bringing up my problems, and blaming them for my behaviour. You told me you were different, and you told me you wanted to be yourself. I gave you the chance to show me who you really were but the truth is, you never changed. You're still that annoying, spoiled little brat who obviously cannot handle a friendship with someone who is older than you. Maybe I'm being a little harsh, but these are all things I learned when you told me you were "different" even though you never "changed" the way you said you were.
Im tired of your shit, and you said you were tired of mine too. We came to an appropriate, and mutual decison that we shouldn't be friends. We said our goodbyes, but yet you then decided that you're going to continue to text me, and call me, and try to be my friend.. Its like you dont understand, and with that being said maybe you are too immature to have a friendship with an older adolescent. I know Im saying that you are the one that is immature, but then again Im writing a note about you... Maybe Im the immature one.. Im showing the everone your true colours, which is immature. I appologize for that, but I never did say I wasnt immature.

Venting time

I've been told that life, is hard. Life can be a bitch. Things come and go. However no one ever told me that in my lifetime I would feel abandoned by my own mother.. She decided to kick me out. We had our fights, and we always worked through them previously, but this time things changed. We weren't making up. We lost communciation for months. When we finally decided to talk to each other again, we had the same old fights over and over again.. she wanted me to accept her boyfriend, the one I never liked. She kept pushing it upon me, until I finally reached the breaking point and set her straight. There was no way I could keep the feelings inside any longer. I felt broken& hurt. Instead of being understanding my mother chose what she always did, her boyfriend. From then on she hurt me in ways I didnt even know she could. She hurt my family, and now our life has been altered greatly. I dont understand how her boyfriend is more important than her child, but now I know I meant little to her, and Im coming to terms with that now.